For therapy to be a space where the new can come, I (as a client) have to feel safe.
As a person who has experienced a lack of stability from an early age, in that sort of situation I am frozen on the outside and on super high alert inside.
I know if a person is not going to be helpful to me straight away.
Some of us are frozen and feel too much and some of us are all action and feel numb inside. But not one person is exactly like another and what we need is different and unique and can only be found through inner inquiry.
So I need my person to be solidly centered in themselves and I need them to know that they don’t know.
They don’t know how it is for me in my inner world. When I feel that from them my body can relax.
Oh, this person is not going to tell me how it is for me, what I need, how much knowledge they have, they are not going to diagnose me with anything.
Whew, I can breathe out a little. Not too much, just a little because of course it is still risky, to be seen, to be vulnerable, to open up.
I like to hear words like: take your time, you don’t have to share what you don’t want to, check inside and see how that is with you, what is it you need right now?
I also need them to get where I am at without me telling them.
Perhaps it is a pre-verbal reparation that is needed, but that is so hard for people to notice, and it is not necessary really.
If they point me back to myself and my body’s own unique way of finding the unconditional support that is already there, then I can do that, I can work out what it is that something needs.
Even better is if I let that place be just how it is, it will find the way, on its own terms in its own way.
This is much more powerful and longer lasting and less risky.
My inner knowing becomes stronger. My inner strength and the unconditional support I can tap into becomes more solid, easier to find.
I have a home base.