Who am I?
I ask and ask many times and I step back, but nothing comes.
I stay and say it is okay. It is okay if nothing comes, just stay.
I drift off and remember something I have read yesterday — ‘we must defend your dwelling place in us to the last’, so I come back.
I ask again, and wait.
Then I remember a lovely note from a friend — “it’s okay and enjoy life,” he says — this makes me smile.
Enjoy life — yes! The smile keeps growing.
I think this is enough and I think I will finish my inner inquiry.
Then I come across a poem and I am moved by the line – “Close your eyes and follow your breath to the still place that leads to the invisible path that leads you home.”
I pause again and follow my breath — a feeling is coming in my body. It’s big!
It is like a feeling of ecstasy, it is scary and nice and I am allowing it.
I remember the support of the chair. It feels like I am allowing life to flow in me and it is so beautiful and light and uplifting. I can still feel it now, it is tingling and buzzing with life.
“Let life happen to you,” says Rilke.
Perhaps I am the vehicle for the life that is longing to live in me. Or am I the life I felt moving in me. I don’t know. But I like it.
Life is happening in me.
Note authors of my inspiration in order: Etty Hillesum, Rainer Maria Rilke and Teresa of Avila
